Recently I saw an Instagram post from a super successful businesswoman that I disagreed with (not publicly of course) but wanted to address some of the things she mentioned in her post as I know how many of you out there are wondering if this work/balance thing is possible or is it a myth.
There are so many women out there looking for it, yearning for it, wanting to achieve it. What this lady on Insta called it was blending. I personally love the word, however she proclaimed that as a Mum and Entrepreneur, work/life balance is a myth. I actually disagree and wanted to explore this a bit further.
These days in society more so than ever before, we as women have a lot expected from us. No question of that. We juggle so many things – more so than ever before. Let’s firstly look at what exactly the word balance really means. The Oxford dictionary has several definitions, but I feel the second definition describes what I am communicating here brilliantly – “a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions”. So let’s unpack this a bit more.
What is “correct proportions” exactly? That is a very, very subjective term. What one Mum may term to be “correct proportions” with respect to spending time with children, may look quite differently to another Mum and there are clearly many variables with age and special needs being two of the obvious ones. The real conclusion will always lie in what feels right for you. There’s no right or wrong here. Now true enough, it’s probably mathematically impossible to have equal time spent on work, time with children, husband, cleaning the house, ironing, washing, time with friends’, time spent on hobbies etc etc – whatever you’ve got going on. The most important thing to consider is what feels right for you and what is acceptable to those around you.
Beating yourself up for not spending what you consider to be adequate time with your kids’ is not only counter-productive, but all it will do is send you down a guilt spiral that trust me, your kids’ will pick up on. They are immensely perceptive creatures aren’t they? I see ‘blending’ and ‘balancing’ to mean similar things but I personally would be very careful around using blending as a strategy with respect to time. It’s not possible to be mindfully doing any task if you are ‘blending’ it with doing something else. An example would be playing a board game with your kids’ whilst you’re in a work Zoom meeting. Being a Master Mindfulness Practitioner, I would be undermining my training and credential if I encouraged multi-tasking which is essentially what I see ‘blending to be.
To be clear, time management is more a myth in my humble opinion. No-one can ‘manage’ time – it’s finite in the literal sense. But time is really also a mental construct. Something that human beings have invented and is always relative to something else. Einstein called it a “mere illusion”. Now I’m not going to go down that deep rabbit hole, but when one can really look at time as an illusion, as relative, as a mental construct and really understand what that means, you can start to look at time quite differently. How much time you spend on a task of your choosing is precisely that – your choice. And whatever you choose is something you absolutely need to be okay with – it’s your choice, your decision, your life. And you are completely and totally in control of that. How much time you spend on most things (I mean I get that if you’re working a job, your boss controls the hours’ you work), is completely a choice. Guilting yourself all the time because you’re not spending enough time with Gran or Mum or friends’ or your husband or your kids’ isn’t healthy. Make the choice and be okay with it. Get agreement with those around you obviously because spending time with others is a two-way street – you don’t get to dictate that. It’s important to keep up the dialogue on those things too because life is constantly evolving and changing. When your kids’ grow older, they don’t need so much of your time and attention. Clearly the time I spend with my 8 year old is more than the time I spend with my 16 year old. But the most important thing is to be present in whatever activity you are engaged in and be okay with the time you spend on it. Some things you’ll clock watch. Some things time will pass easily and effortlessly – and that’s the space I personally love being in. If something doesn’t get done today that I set out to, I have taught myself to be peaceful around that. Nothing is ever ‘done’. There is no ‘destination’ – we’re all going to the same place believe me. 
Get some agreements, create a calendar (I use Outlook myself) and be okay with the time you spend on activities and with people. We all have the same 24 hours’ in a day – the only difference is how we spend it. That’s it.
Start today by writing out how you wish to spend your time. Make a list of the people you like to spend time with – could be your kids’, your parents’, other family members, friends’, sports team members etc. Then make a list of all of the things you have to get done in a week such as dishes, ironing, cooking meals, cleaning, washing, taking kids’ to school. Then make a list of your work commitments, exercise commitments and YOU TIME!! This is absolutely paramount. If you don’t care for yourself, no-one else will and you are not capable of adequately caring for others if you yourself are not cared for. And again, your kids’ notice this stuff. And they will respect it if you teach them to. That’s a thing called boundaries and a blog post for another time. Next to all of these lists, write next to them how much time you think is needed (and if it involved others, get their agreement) and then start mapping out your week from there. I use colours in my Outlook calendar so I have different colours for personal or me time, exercise, time with the kids’, time with my hubby, work time, non-negotiables like eating and prayer time. I also have 3 hours’ blocked out from 5 – 8am every morning and 90 mins every evening for my morning and evening rituals. Yes there are some days’ whereby I don’t spend the time with my kids’ because something has come up – I mean it’s life right. And there are other times when I spend more time with them if I finish up my work early – so it all balances out really.
The main thing to understand is that your kids’ probably don’t need the amount of attention that you think they do. We are after all training them up to be independent and resilient human beings and that starts right from the moment they pop out believe it or not. If you are guilting yourself into believing you have to be constantly available for them, then maybe you need to get some things handled because that’s a self-limiting belief. Confronting yes – but life changing too. Your boss also doesn’t need you for 12 + hours’ per day either. Again, you have to believe that. You can create time. And you don’t have to live life in constant and perpetual guilt over what you haven’t completed in a day. The most important thing is for you to feel good – nothing is more important than that. Life is about experiences and learning and joy and love. The longer you can hold yourself there, man you are doing those around you the biggest service. So stop focussing on lack of time. And I know, I know – I can hear you saying “but Fiona you don’t understand how much I have going on”. Yes I probably do. Because I’ve been there. How much of it can you either delegate or detonate? Get some help with? There’s always a way – and sometimes it takes someone else from the outside looking in to see it and show light on it.
If you would like to unpack this a little further, let’s chat more on a Discovery Call. This session is super powerful and only 10 minutes’. I’ll ask you incredibly insightful and introspective questions with your answers empowering you to temporarily step outside of your day-to-day and see your life through a different lens. Book in obligation-free with me here: https://calendly.com/fiona-j-lindsay/work-life-balance-alchemy-10-minute-discovery-session It’s totally free but quite honestly, could change the trajectory of the rest of your life. I bet I can find time in the nooks and crannies of your life right now! Because work/life balance really is achievable – it’s all in the way you look at it.