Firstly, fear is common. We all feel it at some time or another. Whether it’s a fear of flying, fear of heights, fear of public speaking (which more people fear than death itself), fear of talking to people – we all have some sort of innate fear that stops or holds us back from living and feeling life in all of its fullness. For me personally, I suffer from Vertigo – that is I get very dizzy and light headed, loss of balance and experience a tilting sensation at heights. It doesn’t stop me from flying or going up elevators in tall buildings or seeing beautiful views from great heights – it just means I notice it but still push through it without it stopping me. Clearly I don’t do things like jump out of planes and the like, however my point is that I don’t allow it to stop me from doing and experiencing life. Now obviously everybody has different fears and experiences their fears in different ways so it would be arrogant of me to think that I could completely cure all of your fears in these 10 steps below, however these are tried and tested methods that will have you focussing on reducing the fear over time until you too – like me – will no long allow it to stand in the way of the choices you make in living a life with total passion and commitment. Come back to these steps and go over them as many times as you need until you feel as though you have control of the fear instead of it controlling you! Here we go:
- The first step is to select which fear you which to have control over and there are many so this is by no means a conclusive list, however it will give you some ideas:
– Fear of judgement;
– Fear of rejection;
– Fear of humilitation;
– Fear of abandonment;
– Fear of failure;
– Fear of success;
– Fear of our own emotions;
– Fear of intimacy;
– Fear of the unknown;
– Fear of not measuring up;
– Phobias (which – depending on the severity may need to be further investigated by a mental health professional. Decide if this fear is unhealthy in the sense that it prevents you from carrying out normal day to day functions such as going to the shops, being with other people etc. If it does, then please seek the advice of a Medical Doctor who can point you in the right direction).
- The second step is to write it down in full. This externalizes the fear where you can now observe it, comment on it, talk to it and tell it to go away! You now have power over it. You can choose to yell at it, tear up the piece of paper and throw it away, burn it, stomp on it – whatever will allow you to regain control of it.
- Feel it. Really get into the feeling space of that fear in every part of your body. Remember, you are not unique – everyone has some sort of fear – big or small. Many celebrities still fear performing and yet they still do it. Race car drivers still have some fear as well – that is natural. Doesn’t stop them from doing what they love though. And yet for so many of us, our fears quite literally paralyze us. Always remember though, that you are in control.
- What is the worst case scenario. So now that you feel this feeling in every bone of your body (which I know is extremely uncomfortable), what now? Here’s some stats for you to mull over: 60% of what you worry about never actually happens, 20% of what you worry about has already passed, 10% of what you worry about, if it actually happened, wouldn’t directly impact you and 5% of what you worry about, if it actually happened would not kill you. Ponder that.
- Like Nike says – just do it. Susan Jeffers says that in her book “Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway” and she’s right. Sometimes you just have to push through it. No doubt that people that jump out of planes have almost completely overwhelming fear just before they jump, but they find a way to just step off the edge, not think too much and jump! Often times you’ll feel exhilarated afterwards. Try it.
- Plan. You’ve heard the saying that we plan our holidays better than we plan our lives and it’s true. Failing to plan is planning to fail. For me, I make sure that if I am up high somewhere and I know I’m going to feel those feelings of falling, dizziness etc I make sure I have something to hold onto and somewhere to sit down if I need to. Other times I’ll make sure my partner has a hold of me so I feel extra safe. That’s my plan. If you feel failure in something, practise more. If you fear rejection, talk to more and more and more people so that it no longer becomes an issue.
- Focus. You are where your focus is. So if you are constantly focussing on the fear, then I’m afraid it controls you. Focus on something else in that moment. Perhaps meditate. Think of something that makes you happy. Laugh. Shout. Whatever you can do that shifts the focus off the fear. It’s easy to get caught up justifying why we can’t do this and can’t do that and those words literally paralyze. Stop it and do something different in order to get that different result.
- Break it down. Understand that Rome was not built in a day and just the same, your fears will not disappear in a day either. We live in this culture of now, now, now. Some times take time. Perhaps break down what you feel you need to do to get in control of this fear. Start today with just writing down your fear and then put it in your bag and reading it every day for 30 days. Until you feel you are ready to move onto the next step. There’s no right or wrong – only which feels right for you.
- Be courageous. Mr Keating (aka Robin Williams) in “Dead Poets Society” said “what are you, a man or an amoeba”. Ask yourself the same question. Look at the fear and what potentially you are missing out on by continuing to allow yourself to be the victim of it. Sometimes you just have to say “stuff it” and take the risk. No risk, no reward.
- Reward yourself. No matter how long it takes, how far you have come, what you have achieved, reward yourself in some way. Doesn’t matter how small the success. Because the feelings it will produce will literally propel you to a new level of awareness and once the mind has been expanded – it rarely springs back to its previous state (bit like an elastic band really).
So there you have it, my 10 step eliminating fear checklist. Hope you find it helpful. Just remember this – fear will never go away if you continue to grow yourself, the only way to get rid of fear is to just go all out and do it, the only way to feel better about yourself is to take action, you’re not the only one experiencing this fear and the best thing is that pushing through this fear is way less scary than living a mediocre life and getting to the end of it full of regret of what could have been. Don’t go there. Love to hear your experiences with this.
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