Easter Saturday. Shepparton, Victoria, Australia. I was playing in a tennis tournament and was running late for my first round doubles event. I bombed in the singles the previous day and this was the only other event I had entered. The game was quite close and very enjoyable. The girls were all lovely. My partner and I were 6-7 down 30-0 up and on serve. So what that means to you non-tennis people – we were about to take the match to a tie break decider. For the very first time during the match, our opponents threw me up an overhead. So I did my usual shuffle back to take it on, turn slightly to the right, position myself, jump up to get it and then BAM! I landed off the side of my left foot. I felt my left kneecap go straight around to the left side of my knee with a “CLICK” then back to centre again with an almighty “CRACK” and I fell to the ground knowing that it wasn’t good. I can remember thinking in those first few seconds before the pain message got to my brain – “I’m up shit creek without a paddle!” And then the pain came screaming down the right side of my knee – I couldn’t bend it so I rested it on top of my right leg. My hubby and our son and his parents’ visiting from Denmark were all courtside and witnessed the entire thing. Luckily, the tournament First Aid guy was at my side very fast and an ambulance was called and I was at the hospital within minutes’. Praise God for that and pain management! I had an X-Ray to confirm that my kneecap was back in its proper position and to visit my GP next week. 3 days’ later I received my referral for an MRI scan. What I discovered was this: full rupture of the ACL, Grade 3 tear of MCL, contusion of tibia, dislocation of femur and relocation, fluid on the knee and damage to ligaments and tendons underneath the kneecap. I really was up shit creek. I left the MRI scan in tears once again knowing what was ahead of me. I was fitted in hospital for a brace to keep me walking and started seeing a Physio. When I saw the surgeon I heard the words that every athlete dreads to hear – “You’ll need a full knee reconstruction”. Again, I went home crying. I had 6 weeks’ to wait so the swelling would go down. May 18th came and it ended up a lot worse than I anticipated. I woke up almost screaming in agony. They usually let you go the following morning – I ended up staying 2 days’ as the Nursing staff were completely unable to get my pain under control. I finally went home with enough Endone and Tramadol to wipe out an army and the next 2 weeks’ were spent almost comatose. The following 5 weeks’ I did very, very little. I had to keep moving but the pain was so bad – I just couldn’t do any of the exercises I was meant to. They changed my pain medication so I wasn’t so groggy all the time which helped a little. I spent most days’ sleeping and watching TV. I was just too out of it to do much else. There were many days’ I got angry at everyone – the surgeon, the court I fell on, my Physio, my hubby – everyone was in the firing line. I disappeared further and further down a dark shaft of pain, misery, blame, playing the “why me” game.
I had borrowed from the library an audio book entitled “The Power Of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. It completely changed my life. I discovered this thing called “mindfulness” – or simply speaking, being in full awareness of the present moment. It was like a light went on. I very quickly realized that I had attracted all of this to me to teach me many lessons and from the 2nd week of July – I started meditating every single day, I finished listening to the audio book and set about starting to study this thing called “mindfulness”. It made so much sense to me and I credit it as being the one thing that dragged me out of being the victim, completely elevated me out of misery, transformed my pain, eliminated the blame game and totally and utterly caused me to have several breakthroughs in how I think.
At this point it was like a lightning bolt had struck me – I attracted this to me. This singular event was in total vibrational alignment with what I was predominantly thinking and feeling at that time. Oh my goodness!!! I suddenly felt rather ill to be honest. The power of that just hit my like a tonne of bricks and I became quite frightened. Scared but yet committed to learning more about mindfulness and how I could harness it – really cause myself to be so aware of the present moment that I could single handedly pull myself out of this despair that I was in.
You see before the tournament I was constantly having thoughts such as “stop the world I want to get off”, procrastinating and making excuses to get out of the very things I love to do such as yoga, working out, cancelling appointments, not turning up to events and the list goes on. I was pretty disgusted with myself once I had the realization that the Universe/God/Spirit had delivered me an exact vibrational match of my predominant frequency. I had brought this on myself. There was tremendous power in recognizing just that. This was my doing – I was totally responsible.
Below are my learnings. I hope you will take something from them because this has got to have been one of the most powerfully transforming events of my entire life. You don’t need to have the great ‘event’ nor hurt yourself physically to get the lessons here. But do take them as seriously.
- Never again make another excuse – you will get what you ask for;
- Never ask for a break ever again – you will get what you ask for;
- Learn the art of patience – if not, you will get the lesson again and again until you learn it;
- Be consistent – inconsistency will lead to disablement (this was huge for me);
- Be persistent – if not, the lesson will be presented again and again until you learn it;
- Focus – and only on the positive because it is there in every single situation. You always get what you focus on;
- Gratitude – be grateful for every little thing – for the little stuff can be taken away very easily and swiftly;
- Be compassionate and empathetic – you have no idea what others are going through;
- Learn to detach, allow, let go, have faith and trust the process.
I have written these down in the back of my calendar where I see them every single day. They serve as my eternal reminder to never again go back to the place I was in before my fall. I am no longer the same person. I see the world through different coloured glasses now, respond differently and am seeing the results already. I could not be more excited with life at the moment – despite having no quadricep muscle or hamstring and still limping. What I am enormously grateful for is being shown mindfulness and the lessons I learned. Please feel free to share this. It’s a message I intend to share again and again and again as I know the power of it.
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