As I sat down to write this blog post, this was the only thing on my mind. It is currently 9:20pm at Hotel C in downtown Stockholm Sweden. My husband Lars landed in Antwerp Belgium 6 hours’ ago and my youngest son Christian and I are waiting for a train to Copenhagen which is scheduled to depart in just under two hours’. It’s been a whirlwind four days’ here. I’ll be honest, I haven’t done a scrap of work except to keep up my social media posting. But what I have done is remain in a constant state of deep gratitude.
This is the first time I have been out of Australia in three years (minus 3 weeks’). If you have been following me for a while, you’ll fully understand, realize and appreciate the abject suffering both myself and my family has endured over this last two years’ of the Pandemic. Living in the most locked down place on the planet is not a badge I wear with any degree of honour. In fact – quite the opposite. It’s embarrassing and frankly I’m done with the ongoing sympathy from those who reside outside of my state of Victoria Australia – those immensely ignorant to what we have endured. Not that I am blaming them in anyway. Our Government has been very effective in reigning in the media on the extent of our lockdowns, rules and restrictions. People living only a few hundred kilometres away were blissfully ignorant. But all of that no longer matters. Well, it matters – I’ll certainly be struggling with this for a long time to come. But finally leaving “fortress Australia” has been mammoth for me, my husband and our youngest son. It’s meant so much more than simply jumping on a plane and heading off. It’s carried so many emotions that I don’t think I’ve fully felt just yet.
I was waiting for the first emotional outburst and really had no idea as to when it would come. Strangely it came as I passed through the Swedish border. As soon as my Passport was stamped, I broke down completely. It was real. I had actually cleared into another country and did not face any restrictions on returning home. No tests. No quarantine. No endless flight cancellations and waiting lists. It still seems surreal to me. The lady at Passport Control at Stockholm Airport was in a bit of a quandry as to my reaction. It wasn’t until my husband explained it to her and she got it. She apologized for what we had been through. She explained they had heard bits and pieces but wasn’t sure if it was actually real. It’s an interesting question. Was it real? Was being in Sweden now real? Was my emotional outburst real? Were these emotions real? From that moment, I’ve been taking every single little thing in. Even my emotional state.
Something so simple as enjoying a buffet breakfast – the Swedish way – was beyond pleasurable. Everything from marvelling over the thickness of the walls, the triple glazing to even the chiming of the train station announcements. I’ve been taking in every single little thing. And being grateful for every little moment of it all. I don’t take any of it for granted. Did I before the Pandemic? Maybe.
What I have learned over the past four days’ is how incredibly grateful I am for every single experience I have been having and will continue to have over the next two weeks’ I’ll be spending in Denmark. Absolutely no question that more emotions are going to burst out of me. I’ll be seeing family and friends’ that I haven’t seen in nearly three years’. Three years’ of being forced apart by an over zealous and overreacting Government. It’s difficult to articulate the suffering. There’s a very big difference in choosing to remain at home for long periods of time to having it forced upon you. Unable to even see a parent living 2 hours’ away for months’ on end. Who knew it would affect one’s mental health so much. It’s been fascinating to me to watch so many people quite literally just get back on with it. And that’s not to say that I’m wallowing – I’m absolutely not. But I won’t forget. Not anytime soon. No doubt I’ll be explaining this to my Grandkids’, Great Grandkids’ that I lived through the great Covid19 Pandemic of 2020 and 2021 but what I will more importantly be sharing are the lessons I have taken away from it. The biggest one being to love those around you much more fiercely and take absolutely nothing for granted. For we sure learned how quickly the simplest of liberties can be removed without warning.
This has been and will no doubt continue to be a holiday like no other I’ve ever experienced. I’ve emerged from this Pandemic a different person – I know that now. I take nothing for granted. I am grateful for every experience knowing full well how I wasn’t able to do this even three months’ ago. How our Government can so breathtakingly fast take everything away that we hold dear. And what is that? Our simplest ability to experience – both places and being with those we love. Pure joy is very, very difficult to experience when you are living under stay at home orders for months’ at a time – unable to enjoy the simplest of life’s pleasures. And living life completely uncertain and in a constant learning state is exhausting. Freedom means many things to many people but for me, it’s being able to look at a different type of train. Hear different languages being spoken around me. Breathing in different air. Learning about different cultures. It’s the fabric of life. And I could not be more grateful for experiencing all of it.