We don’t talk about it enough: the grief that comes not from losing a person, but from losing the version of life we thought – and expected – we’d be living by now.
If you’re in your 50s, chances are you’ve had moments (or whole seasons) of looking around and thinking, “This isn’t what I intended.” Maybe the career you poured decades into doesn’t feel fulfilling anymore. Maybe the marriage didn’t go the way you thought it would. Maybe the business idea, the travel plans, the lifestyle you once dreamed about never materialized – at least not yet. Remember, this is just the half way mark …
And here’s the truth: that hurts. It’s confusing. It’s grief.
The Grief We Don’t Recognize
Grief isn’t always about death. Sometimes it’s about the slow realization that a version of your life story didn’t turn out the way you’d written it in your head. We look around at Gen Z and Millenials at their success and look back retrospectively and wonder “what happened?” Society tells us to “be grateful” and “look on the bright side.” And yes, gratitude matters, but brushing away the ache of unmet expectations doesn’t heal it. In fact, it keeps us reflective and stuck and questioning.
Acknowledging the loss – the life, caree or relationship you thought you’d have by now is the first step. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for what is. It means you’re human. And it is a very normal emotion to feel at this point in our lives. We look back and feel that our 20s were only last year and wonder where on earth all of the years’ went.
Permission to Feel It
Maybe you’re mourning the fact that you gave your best years to a job that didn’t feed your soul. Maybe you’re grieving the energy you once had or the dreams you shelved for “someday.” The choice to leave the corporate world and focus on raising children. Caring for family with health challenges. Maybe you thought you’d be further ahead, happier, freer or more financially secure by now. Or maybe you wonder why your circle is smaller and your impact isn’t larger.
Let yourself feel that. Feel all of it. Cry it out, journal it out, scream-sing 80s power ballads in your car if you need to (yes to that one). Suppressing grief doesn’t make it go away – it buries it under layers of resentment, shame or nasty and unproductive “should-haves.” Regrets are never productive.
The Beauty on the Other Side
Here’s the empowering part: grief, when honoured, creates space. It clears the emotional clutter and makes room for something new to grow. Just because one version of your life didn’t happen doesn’t mean it’s too late for another version to begin. And here’s the cool part – we get to create it how we want now.
In fact, women in their 50s are some of the most powerful creators I know. We have resilience, wisdom, sass and a “nothing to prove” energy that makes us unstoppable once we decide to pivot and reinvent ourselves. Which is by the way a choice.
So yes – grieve what didn’t happen. Hold a little funeral in your heart for the paths you didn’t take. Then, with all that wisdom and strength you’ve built over the decades, ask yourself: What do I want to create now?
Because the life you thought you’d have may be gone, but the life you still can have? That’s very much alive. And it’s waiting for you to choose to say yes to. After all, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.
Image: sora.chatgpt