I recently watched and am now subscribed to a fabulous You Tube channel called Maggie Sterling. And Maggie – like me – is no ‘guru’ or expert. But, also like me, she has lived trauma experience which has shaped what she – and I – now teach. Now I am in no way sending you over to her as I feel she is in some way better equipped, better looking, has more followers or whatever. But her content I feel is very much in resonance with what I also share and I have always been a huge believer in ingesting whatever content works for you. And I only share the stuff that I have either been through, am going through, has worked for me and that I feel has authenticity and value.
Maggie recently shared a video around nervous system healing. And I watched it from the perspective of pure curiosity to see if that is where I am now at. Because let’s be honest, what measure is there? And every day after trauma is going to look very, very different. Some days’ are super tough and I don’t want to get out of bed and talk to another person and some days’ – like today – I’m firing on all cylinders and super excited for what is coming. I would like to think that I am firing more days’ than not but I don’t keep record of that. Too much and too tiring. But I liked the idea of being able to really feel as though my nervous system is starting to regulate and I felt that this was the perfect post to follow on from last weeks’ post around your nervous system not working for you or what is more commonly known as nervous system dysregulation.
Now I want to preface this by saying that you are not broken. And you do not need fixing. Always remember that you were created perfectly and there is nothing wrong with you. You are living with a nervous system that has been reacting to trauma and if you’re anything like me, probably for way, way too long. And it’s time to respond and not react. After all, we’re not living in caves anymore nor running away from lions. Yes I ran away from a bushfire, but it’s long gone and now is the time to actively calm my nervous system down because it is actually safe.
So here are the 6 signs that your nervous system is actually healing. And I want you to really identify if you see yourself in any or hopefully all of these. Be honest with yourself. Because bullshitting yourself if never actually helpful. Here we go:
- Feeling every emotion – sometimes without warning. Let’s be honest, trauma kind of sneaks up on you. Some days’ you’re crying for no real reason. Some days’ you’re laughing. Some days’ you’re yelling. Feel it all – you’re human. Don’t beat yourself up for that.
- You’ve become radically disinterested in ‘hustle’ culture. Oh yes so very me! This isn’t just about because at our stage of life, we no longer have any desire to climb any corporate ladder, often perpetuated by misogyny. I’m talking also about overstimulation, overcommitting, overeating. You are no longer interested in any of it. Love that!
- Actively chasing more peace, more quiet time, more alone time, more calm. I’ll be brutally honest, I’m still very much working on this, but absolutely loving it when I am doing it. More walks. More sleeping in. More coffee time with those I love. More date nights. More time in nature. More meditation and massages. YES!
- Feeling more exhausted and cravings. Sadly this is still my reality. Getting quality sleep continues to elude me and I am craving potato chips like crazy! But this is actually a good thing. It means that your nervous system is actually doing something – it’s talking to you and the very fact you are aware of that, is half the job.
- Awareness of body and mind. Really leaning in and listening to what your body and mind are telling you is real power. I’ve suffered Bronchitis twice in 8 weeks’ – that was my body screaming at me to STOP! Thankfully I listened. Enough said about that.
- Identity confusion. This is a big one and the one you absolutely should be the most excited about! The fact, once again, that you are aware of this means it’s a strong indicator that you are changing. You are moving through this and stepping into a new and more empowered, courageous, resilient and strong version of yourself. Who doesn’t love that? Now go splurge on those gorge pair of Jimmy Choos. Go on …
And perhaps that is the biggest sign of all – you are beginning to trust yourself again. You stop seeing every wobble as evidence that you are going backwards. You stop expecting yourself to be “over it” by now. You start recognising that healing isn’t linear, tidy or particularly interested in your calendar. Some days you will feel strong, energised and ready to take on the world. Other days you will need the doona, the quiet and absolutely zero people asking you what you’re doing with your life. And both are okay.
Nervous system healing isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about coming home to yourself after spending far too long in survival mode. So if you recognise yourself in some of these signs, celebrate them. If you don’t, don’t panic. You are not behind. You are not broken. And you certainly do not need to fix yourself. You are healing.
You are learning that safety can exist again. You are learning to respond rather than react. You are learning to listen to your body, honour your boundaries and choose peace over proving.
And perhaps most importantly, you are discovering that the life waiting for you on the other side of survival doesn’t have to look anything like the life you lost. This bit I am the most excited about – because honestly, I don’t want my ‘old’ life back.
You get to rebuild it. You get to reinvent yourself. And you get to rise into a version of you that isn’t defined by what happened to you, but by what you choose next. And that, my lovely, is where the real freedom begins.