Have you ever felt exhausted, but wired? Tired and yet unable to switch off? Brain fog is real. Your patience is wearing thin (oh very guilty as charged). Little things suddenly feel like BIG things. Your sleep quality is all over the shop, you’re overthinking every little stupid detail, craving sugar or caffeine or both, concentration feels like an Olympic sport and/or feeling like you’re constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Phew! That’s worn me out reading all of that …
You might simply think you’re stressed out. There’s a lot going on in your life. But there is definitely something else going on.
Your nervous system may be dysregulated.
And before you start thinking this is yet another wellness buzzword, let’s unpack what it actually means.
So, what is nervous system dysregulation?
Your nervous system is essentially your body’s communication and protection system. It supports you to respond to what is happening around you and, more importantly, determines whether your brain and body perceive something as safe or threatening.
When life throws repeated stress, grief, trauma, uncertainty, major change or prolonged pressure at us (hell yes), our nervous system can become stuck in patterns of protection. Especially if there is repeated and ongoing exposure to trauma. Yep – that’s me.
Instead of moving flexibly between activation and calm, we can find ourselves spending far too much time in fight, flight, freeze or shutdown. And when that happens, the nervous system can start working against us rather than for us.
The tricky part? You may not even realise it’s happening. I’m only just beginning to myself.
What can nervous system dysregulation look like?
The signs can be surprisingly ordinary:
- Constant tiredness or feeling wired but exhausted
- Difficulty falling or staying asleep
- Brain fog and poor concentration
- Racing thoughts or overthinking
- Irritability or emotional reactivity
- Feeling overwhelmed by things you would normally handle
- A constant sense of urgency
- Difficulty relaxing or being still
- Withdrawal or wanting to shut everyone out
- Changes in appetite or cravings
- Feeling disconnected, numb or flat
- Physical tension, particularly in the jaw, shoulders or stomach
And here’s the important bit: This isn’t about being weak, dramatic or unable to cope. I mean we are Queens but not the drama kind. LOL I digress …
Sometimes your body has simply become very good at protecting you. The problem is that a system designed to protect you from danger isn’t particularly helpful when it starts treating your inbox, your difficult conversation, your empty house or your Monday morning as though you’re being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger.
Our brains have some explaining to do. 😂
So how do we start moving back towards regulation?
Not by fixing ourselves overnight. Not through toxic positivity. And certainly not by adding another 27 things to an already overloaded to-do list.
Here are six simple places to start.
1. Start with your breath.
Slow your breathing down, particularly your exhale. Even a few minutes of slower, intentional breathing can give your body a signal that it doesn’t need to remain on high alert. Grab an app like Calm and go back to it a few times a day. Neuroawareness at work right there!
2. Get outside.
Natural light, fresh air and gentle movement can help shift us out of our heads and back into our bodies. A walk doesn’t need to be a fitness challenge. Sometimes it’s simply a nervous-system reset with shoes on. And if you can get out in nature – even better!
3. Create predictable rhythms.
Your nervous system loves cues of safety and predictability. Regular sleep and wake times, meals, movement and periods of genuine rest can create stability when life feels anything but stable. I’ll be honest it’s very much a work in progress for me, but what I have found is that the simple act of turning off the light at the same time every night definitely supports regularity.
4. Reduce the constant stimulation.
Notifications. News. Social media. Emails. Doom scrolling (especially bad). More information isn’t always more helpful. In the movie “The Secret”, I always remember the James Arthur Ray’s quote “it’s okay to be informed – it’s not okay to be inundated.” Give your brain some quiet time. Every single day. Silence is underrated.
5. Learn to notice your body’s signals.
Instead of waiting until you’re completely overwhelmed, start asking:
What am I feeling right now? Where am I feeling it in my body? What might I need?
That awareness is powerful because you can’t regulate what you haven’t learned to recognise. Once again, neuroawareness at work!
6. Stop treating rest as something you have to earn.
I am still very much learning that rest isn’t laziness. Slowing down isn’t failure. And constantly pushing through isn’t necessarily resilience. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is allow your nervous system to come down from high alert. Just yesterday, I chose to spend the day in bed. And I did not feel guilty one little bit!
This is a practice, not a finish line
I’m not writing this from some perfectly regulated mountaintop with a meditation cushion and a smug little cup of herbal tea nor yelling from a stage like some overcaffeinated ‘guru’.
I’m still working on all of this too! Every. Single. Day.
There are days when I notice I’m overwhelmed, wired, exhausted or operating from old patterns (still working on getting cranky on the tennis court but again, I digress). The difference is that I’m becoming much better at recognising what my nervous system is telling me. And that awareness gives me a choice.
Because rebuilding isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about supporting your brain and body feel safe enough to become more fully you again. Especially after loss, trauma and/or major life transitions. And that takes time. And I am definitely not the most patient of people. LOL
So don’t make nervous system regulation another thing you’re failing at. Start small. Be aware. Breathe. Move. Rest. Rinse. Repeat.