I thought I would write this in light of Carlos Alcaraz’ win at the US Open earlier today. And he shared something a few weeks’ ago that really struck me. He said he wither wins or learns. Somewhere along the way, society drilled into us this neat little phrase: “You either win or you lose.” Sounds definitive and just a tad dreadful, doesn’t it? One side celebrates, the other sulks. End of story. (Sorry Jannik Sinner – no disrespect in anyway at all).
Except … no. That’s not the story at all. And the winner definitely does NOT take it all (And that does not in anyway diminish Amanda Anisimova or Jannik Sinner’s unbelievable accomplishments in getting to the US Open Final either – it’s nothing short of a breathtakingly incredible achievement).
Here’s the truth: there’s no such thing as losing when it comes to growth, progress or creating a life that feels lit from within. You don’t win or lose. You win and learn. Every. Single. Time. Just ask Aryna Sabalenka about that after losing the Australian Open Final, French Open Final and Wimbledon Semi Final. She learned, applied those learnings and now she is a 2 time US Open Champion.
And I’ll be honest, this is still very much a learning in progress for me – especially with my tennis journey.
The Problem with “Losing”
The word lose carries baggage. It implies failure, embarrassment and rejection – the dreaded “not good enough” stamp we’ve all been conditioned to avoid at all costs. And even these days’ it’s come almost full circle with the whole ‘everyone gets a medal’ culture. Yes everyone does win in the sense of the lesson, but I don’t necessarily support this ideology either.
But think about it: how many so-called and perceived “losses” have shaped you into the woman you are today? That missed promotion? It forced you to rethink your career path. That business idea that flopped? It became the blueprint for the one that did eventually work. That relationship that ended? It cleared space for a deeper one – with yourself most importantly and eventually, with someone who actually deserves you.
Calling those moments “losses” sells short the value they actually brought to your life. You got the life lessons, you applied them and here you are!
The Reframe: Winning and Learning
Every outcome is a teacher.
- When things go the way you envisioned, you celebrate. That’s a win.
- When things take a left turn, you adjust, reflect, gather insight and level up. That’s learning. Don’t forget to adjust your crown too.
Notice how both paths move you forward? That’s not failure. That’s momentum. And I’ll quote Winston Churchill here – “success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Very true.
But let’s quantify what success – winning and losing – failure actually mean.
According to Dictionary.com success means: the accomplishment of one’s goals. Attainment of wealth, position, honors or the like.
Failure on the other hand means: An insufficiency. Deterioration. Decay. Non-performance of something due, required or expected.
Life is basically a giant feedback loop. Either you’re getting confirmation that you’re on the right track (the win), or you’re gathering the intel you need to navigate smarter next time (the learning). Both outcomes are a victory in disguise. So although perceived ‘failure’ is a non-receiving of something expected, what if something better than expected is on its way to you? Think about that …
Why This Mindset Is Empowering – Especially After 50
By the time you’ve hit 50, you’ve already lived through enough curveballs to know perfection is a myth. Shifting to a “win and learn” mindset makes you unstoppable because:
- It kills the fear of failure. If there’s no such thing as losing, what’s left to fear? Bring on the lessons!
- It frees you to experiment. Take the risk, pitch the idea, book the flight, launch the business. You literally can’t lose – you either win or gain greater wisdom.
- It transforms setbacks into fuel. Instead of sulking, you extract the lesson and stride forward stronger than ever because now you know what doesn’t work. And just remember that Thomas Edison found 10,000 of those and still kept at it!
A Little Sass to Seal It
Let’s be real: women in their 50s don’t have time for losing. We’ve got dreams to chase, freedom to create, businesses to build and maybe even some world-travel selfies to take while we’re at it (9 sleeps to Europe trip – not that anyone is counting).
So the next time something doesn’t pan out the way you hoped, skip the pity party. Pour yourself a glass of something fabulous, grab a notebook and jot down what the universe just taught you. Then – get back out there and get back to work!
Because darling, you’re not losing. You’re either stacking up wins or sharpening your wisdom. And both look damn good on you.
✨ Your Turn: What’s one “loss” that turned out to be one of your greatest learnings? Share it below – you never know who needs that spark today.
Image: Sora.chatgpt